Being kind to ourselves

Often in life we find it easy enough to be kind to other people but being kind to ourselves is another matter. We might have a strong self critical / punitive parent ( see Schema Therapy) voice in our head that berates us for everything we do. We might be overwhelmed by painful feelings ( particularly shame) which block out our ability to be kind to ourselves.

The ability to be kind or compassionate to ourselves is a real skill but one that can make a real difference in our ability to tolerate painful emotions and to survive what life throws at us. It takes practice. Have a compassionate phrase ( eg I am safe, I am strong) to say to yourself throughout the day. Do pleasant things to self-soothe in times of distress.

For more information look on the internet for Schema Therapy (Young), Compassionate Mind ( Gilbert) and DBT (Linehan). These approaches will be discussed in later posts.

Count your blessings

We can all become bogged down by our distress and the pain that life inevitably throws at us from time to time. If we allow ourselves to focus on this we can become overwhelmed and less able to cope. One way to try and move away from this is to sit down and reflect on the good bits, however small. It might be as simple as having enough food in the cupboard or having somewhere to sleep at night. Make a list , you might be surprised.

Dialectical Behaviour Therapy

One of the therapies offered by RPS is DBT:

The balance between saying well done you have strategies in place that have allowed you to survive so far while also saying lets try and learn something new and healthier. DBT focuses on the present.

Skills focus on Mindfulness, Regulating Emotions, Tolerating Distress and Healthy Relationships. 

Being mindful

Mindfulness is one of the techniques that is now seen as useful for lots of different issues. It can help people to manage their distress, live in the moment ( and so prevent depression from focusing on the past and anxiety about thinking about the future) and assist with concentrating and being aware of what's going on around us.

It's one of the things that can really help us but can also be really tricky to grasp. I know that mindfulness will benefit me but I find it hard! In DBT we talk about the mindfulness what skills of OBSERVING, DESCRIBING and PARTICIPATING and the how skills of being NON-JUDGMENTALLY, ONE-MINDFULLY and EFFECTIVELY.

In starting to practice mindfulness I like to take an object or an activity that I enjoy ( eating chocolate or having a hot shower) and describe everything I notice using all of my senses ( eg the chocolate is brown, it tastes sweet, it smells of cocoa, it crunches in my mouth, it feels smooth). By focusing on describing I attempt to focus all of my attention on the chocolate rather than on thoughts in my head, physical sensations in my body and whats going on in the environment around me. When I get distracted ( which I do, often!) I simply notice the distraction and let it go, bringing my attention gently back to the chocolate ( or shower, or my breathing etc).

Practice makes mindfulness easier, it's ok to find it hard, the simple of act of spending a few minutes just on YOU can in itself be hugely beneficial. Give it a go - you might like it!