Being kind to ourselves

Often in life we find it easy enough to be kind to other people but being kind to ourselves is another matter. We might have a strong self critical / punitive parent ( see Schema Therapy) voice in our head that berates us for everything we do. We might be overwhelmed by painful feelings ( particularly shame) which block out our ability to be kind to ourselves.

The ability to be kind or compassionate to ourselves is a real skill but one that can make a real difference in our ability to tolerate painful emotions and to survive what life throws at us. It takes practice. Have a compassionate phrase ( eg I am safe, I am strong) to say to yourself throughout the day. Do pleasant things to self-soothe in times of distress.

For more information look on the internet for Schema Therapy (Young), Compassionate Mind ( Gilbert) and DBT (Linehan). These approaches will be discussed in later posts.

Count your blessings

We can all become bogged down by our distress and the pain that life inevitably throws at us from time to time. If we allow ourselves to focus on this we can become overwhelmed and less able to cope. One way to try and move away from this is to sit down and reflect on the good bits, however small. It might be as simple as having enough food in the cupboard or having somewhere to sleep at night. Make a list , you might be surprised.

Acceptance

Acceptance is a key skill in tolerating distress and painful emotions. It sounds easy but is often one of the hardest things to do as our brains are wired to fight or flee from things that threaten us. 

Therapy can help us to identify what things in life can be changed and give us the courage to address them. It can also provide us with the space to explore our reluctance to accept and give us the skills to change the way we cope. For those wanting to explore the underlying reasons for our individual coping and personality styles therapy can also bring insight and understanding and freedom from shame.

The Serenity Prayer....

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference. (Reinhold Niebuhr)