Being kind to ourselves

Often in life we find it easy enough to be kind to other people but being kind to ourselves is another matter. We might have a strong self critical / punitive parent ( see Schema Therapy) voice in our head that berates us for everything we do. We might be overwhelmed by painful feelings ( particularly shame) which block out our ability to be kind to ourselves.

The ability to be kind or compassionate to ourselves is a real skill but one that can make a real difference in our ability to tolerate painful emotions and to survive what life throws at us. It takes practice. Have a compassionate phrase ( eg I am safe, I am strong) to say to yourself throughout the day. Do pleasant things to self-soothe in times of distress.

For more information look on the internet for Schema Therapy (Young), Compassionate Mind ( Gilbert) and DBT (Linehan). These approaches will be discussed in later posts.

Count your blessings

We can all become bogged down by our distress and the pain that life inevitably throws at us from time to time. If we allow ourselves to focus on this we can become overwhelmed and less able to cope. One way to try and move away from this is to sit down and reflect on the good bits, however small. It might be as simple as having enough food in the cupboard or having somewhere to sleep at night. Make a list , you might be surprised.

Self-help resources

There are some great self-help resources available for those unable to access therapy themselves.

I particularly likes these booklets as they are simple and effective

http://www.ntw.nhs.uk/pic/selfhelp/

Book suggestion

New schema therapy self-help book, has to be worth a look!

http://eu.wiley.com/WileyCDA/WileyTitle/productCd-1118877713.html

Schema therapy is really accessible as a model and seems to make sense to people who have previously struggled with therapy ( and for those who have not!). Self-help books can offer those who are not in a position to access therapy a way of supporting themselves and can assist those who are in therapy to get the most out of the process.

Dialectical Behaviour Therapy

One of the therapies offered by RPS is DBT:

The balance between saying well done you have strategies in place that have allowed you to survive so far while also saying lets try and learn something new and healthier. DBT focuses on the present.

Skills focus on Mindfulness, Regulating Emotions, Tolerating Distress and Healthy Relationships. 

Feeling good

Therapy is certainly one of the things that can help people to make sense of their experiences, reduce blame and to learn new ways of coping and being that maybe cause less distress. However there are other things that we can all do that can help us to feel better about ourselves and to increase our resilience.

These things include:

• Getting enough sleep ( depending on what you need as an individual)
• Eating a healthy , balanced diet ( too much sugar for example can play havoc on our emotions)
• Having some gentle exercise every day
• Not over-indulging in alcohol ( alcohol is a depressant and can significantly impact on our mood and sleep patterns)
• Looking after any physical aches and pains 
• Doing something we find pleasurable every day
• Doing something that gives us a sense of achievement each day

If we find it difficult to look after and care for ourselves maybe its time to consider why that is and look at changing this. It is ok to be kind to ourselves.

Being mindful

Mindfulness is one of the techniques that is now seen as useful for lots of different issues. It can help people to manage their distress, live in the moment ( and so prevent depression from focusing on the past and anxiety about thinking about the future) and assist with concentrating and being aware of what's going on around us.

It's one of the things that can really help us but can also be really tricky to grasp. I know that mindfulness will benefit me but I find it hard! In DBT we talk about the mindfulness what skills of OBSERVING, DESCRIBING and PARTICIPATING and the how skills of being NON-JUDGMENTALLY, ONE-MINDFULLY and EFFECTIVELY.

In starting to practice mindfulness I like to take an object or an activity that I enjoy ( eating chocolate or having a hot shower) and describe everything I notice using all of my senses ( eg the chocolate is brown, it tastes sweet, it smells of cocoa, it crunches in my mouth, it feels smooth). By focusing on describing I attempt to focus all of my attention on the chocolate rather than on thoughts in my head, physical sensations in my body and whats going on in the environment around me. When I get distracted ( which I do, often!) I simply notice the distraction and let it go, bringing my attention gently back to the chocolate ( or shower, or my breathing etc).

Practice makes mindfulness easier, it's ok to find it hard, the simple of act of spending a few minutes just on YOU can in itself be hugely beneficial. Give it a go - you might like it!