Mindful Monday

The start of the week may bring doom and gloom and a longing for the weekend / holidays / the future. Focussing on what is to come may prompt feelings of anxiety of frustration. We may also look back at what has gone before triggering feelings of sadness of what we have lost or feelings of pain and regret.

This week lets try to be different. Let's focus on the here and now, living in the moment. Coping with what life throws at us ( because we can), enjoying the small things that we experience each day ( as there is pleasure all around us if we can learn to see it) and mindfully experiencing each day ( each hour, each minute) as it happens.

Mindfully cleaning our teeth, taking a shower, making that cuppa, walking to work....whatever we do throughout the day can be done mindfully with our full attention. Things around us will distract us, thoughts in our head, sensations in our body, but each can we become distracted we can try to notice the distraction and then let it go by turning our attention back to the task in hand.

Don't lets live our lives buried in the past or rushing towards the future, lets try our best to live in the present ( as painful and as uncomfortable as that may feel) and learn that we can cope, we are strong and our emotions are manageable.

For more information on mindfulness try searching for mindfulness resources on the internet for downloads, scripts and more.

Schema Therapy

I'm currently training in schema therapy which I'm really enjoying. My client's really seem to "get" the approach and it is flexible enough to offer different things to different people. It offers a really useful way of understanding ourselves and our development.

Once upon a time we were all "vulnerable children" with various needs. If our needs were met by "good-enough" ( I think it's really important to emphasise that nothing is ever perfect!) then we can develop into healthy adults. At times though we may behave in different ways particularly when responding to situations that we find painful. These different "modes" have been functional in that they have served to protect us from pain but they also prevent us from reaching our full potential and can impact on our relationships.

Examples of schema modes include the angry child mode ( who appears when our needs are not met), the punitive parent mode ( the critical inner voice that berates us) and the avoidant protector ( who avoids painful thoughts / situations).

If our care-giving ( for whatever reason) wasn't "good enough" for our specific needs we may find that we spend alot more time in these less healthy schema modes. Schema therapy using aspects of lots of different therapies to help us to understand our own pattern of modes, what drives this and looks at ways of overcoming this with a view to helping us develop into healthier adults. I'm finding it really useful personally and think it's a great option for anyone wanting to gain more insight into their personality and to put a stop to tricky life patterns.

Being kind to ourselves

Often in life we find it easy enough to be kind to other people but being kind to ourselves is another matter. We might have a strong self critical / punitive parent ( see Schema Therapy) voice in our head that berates us for everything we do. We might be overwhelmed by painful feelings ( particularly shame) which block out our ability to be kind to ourselves.

The ability to be kind or compassionate to ourselves is a real skill but one that can make a real difference in our ability to tolerate painful emotions and to survive what life throws at us. It takes practice. Have a compassionate phrase ( eg I am safe, I am strong) to say to yourself throughout the day. Do pleasant things to self-soothe in times of distress.

For more information look on the internet for Schema Therapy (Young), Compassionate Mind ( Gilbert) and DBT (Linehan). These approaches will be discussed in later posts.

Count your blessings

We can all become bogged down by our distress and the pain that life inevitably throws at us from time to time. If we allow ourselves to focus on this we can become overwhelmed and less able to cope. One way to try and move away from this is to sit down and reflect on the good bits, however small. It might be as simple as having enough food in the cupboard or having somewhere to sleep at night. Make a list , you might be surprised.

Self-help resources

There are some great self-help resources available for those unable to access therapy themselves.

I particularly likes these booklets as they are simple and effective

http://www.ntw.nhs.uk/pic/selfhelp/

Book suggestion

New schema therapy self-help book, has to be worth a look!

http://eu.wiley.com/WileyCDA/WileyTitle/productCd-1118877713.html

Schema therapy is really accessible as a model and seems to make sense to people who have previously struggled with therapy ( and for those who have not!). Self-help books can offer those who are not in a position to access therapy a way of supporting themselves and can assist those who are in therapy to get the most out of the process.